Poison Ivy

I grew up playing in the woods. My parents had an acre of overgrown land and I had a treehouse, a tire swing, and a fort deep in heart of the jungle. Poison Ivy was rampant as it is everywhere in the South in the summertime but I ran through it without a thought... sat in it, probably even picked it for loverly weed bouquets for my girlie "fort". Not once did I ever get the stuff... UNTIL....
I was in college and was home for the summer. My friends talked me into going to the local annual "International Festival" downtown, as they had heard the German beer was really German and the alcohol content was stronger than our own watered down American crap. The festival was giving special honor to Australia, and had many acts, most of them cheesy "direct from Australia" vaudeville-like bits. I got blitzed as all college kids do, and sang loudly to all the "authentic" Oz songs about kukaburras in gumtrees and matilda waltzing. I was having quite the time I must say! Then came the aboriginal Dance Troupe from "Far North Queensland" performing complete with loin cloths, painted chests and digeridoos. I was enchanted with the "Crocodile" man... he was eyeing me too. Long story short, we hooked up and needed a place to go to be alone. I was staying with my parents so that was a no-go, and he was in a hotel room with 10 other guys so that was out (I'm not THAT adventurous!) so we ended up going to a local park and found a good private spot in the woods to get it on. So basically I did it in the bush with an Aboriginal! Too bad the BUSH was poison ivy! THIS time it took... God smite me down big time. I had it all over my backside, back of my legs, back and ETC!!! I went through 3 prescriptions and 2 cortisone shots before it finally relented. I was horribly afraid that he got it as well, and that being Aussie, didn't know what poison ivy was and thought I'd given him some horrible STD! I wrote him, and he wrote me back to assure me that he figured that was what it was, that there are similar plants in Australia and no worries, he'd only gotten it on his knees.

I'm remembering this story because somehow I've gotten poison ivy on my neck. It looks like a giant inflamed hickey, at least that's what the guy I work with said. I've no idea how I got it... most likely the cat walked through it and then I hugged him. Bastard. Poison ivy now jumps at me... I can just look at it and it attacks me. I think it plots daily to get me.

Needless to say, I will never do it in the bush again... with or without an Aboriginal!